


A Valentine Disaster

by fabricdragon



Series: Sex Pollen, Love Potions, etc. Shuffle [3]
Category: Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Canon-Typical Violence, Loneliness, Love Potion/Spell, M/M, Nightmares, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, mormor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-16
Updated: 2020-02-16
Packaged: 2021-02-26 12:23:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22748395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fabricdragon/pseuds/fabricdragon
Summary: Jim Moriarty couldn't resist the possibility of a love potion...what happens when the wrong people get it?
Relationships: Minor or Background Relationship(s), Sebastian Moran/Jim Moriarty
Series: Sex Pollen, Love Potions, etc. Shuffle [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1421362
Comments: 11
Kudos: 16





	A Valentine Disaster

Jim didn't go back to Ireland much. He wouldn't have gone to Ireland at all, except he had to deal with a problem with his mother’s grave… and he wouldn't have stayed longer than needed to do THAT except for the fact that one of his very distant relatives swore that THEIR distant relative could actually make a love potion.

This was ridiculous of course.

…But Jim couldn't turn the possibility down.

As much as he hated to admit it, there was a part of him that still wanted to believe in magic spells, benevolent God (or Gods), guardian angels... and true love.

So he went to see them. They were living in a small Irish town, in a small Irish cottage, that was so damn quaint it set his teeth on edge. They lectured him on soulmates, and love, and… honestly he tuned them out after a while.

He came back with a small vial of what was PROBABLY colored rosewater- it was in a rose water bottle after all, and smelled like roses- that had cost a bloody fortune, and when it didn't work he was going to have that entire branch of the family blown up, or something. 

Supposedly if it was given to your “Soulmate” - your one true love or some nonsense-it would form a permanent bond- or enhance it, or something- and if given to anyone else would be a love potion that would last at least a month… yada yada yada consequences, love isn't to be trifled with, whatever.

_ Soulmates _

_ Complete bollocks. _

_ ...but what if it works…? _

_ Don't be ridiculous. _

_ … you were willing to Tryyyy it… _

_ Because I’m bored! _

_ ...suuuuure. _

Well, he would leave for London tomorrow or the next day: his first visit back to London since Sherlock returned from the dead. He would give it to Sherlock and Sherly-locks would finally snap out of his angelic obsession and run off with him.... Long overdue to scrape John Watson off. 

First thing of course was for Jim to scrape off all the countryside and poor Irish relations at the hotel…Well the ' lodge’ as they called it: midway between Dublin and Galway and luxurious enough to take his mind off being back in Ireland. Most of his escort and guards had the rooms adjacent to his, but he was too damn close to Britain to take chances so one of his men was going to have to be in the suite with him.

_ Ugh… always annoying… Ordinary people were so frustrating _: at least his men were competent.

Jim carefully put the potion in the refrigerator- he supposed it should be kept cool at least-and went to bed.

This was going to be glorious! He’d finally have a… soulmate, Jim supposed...someone just like himself… _ he’s me, after all _…

*

According to the instructions, you had to get them to eat or drink it, and then be the first person they saw… it sounded altogether too much like a Midsummer Night’s Dream, which meant he wasn't taking chances with Sherly-Locks seeing someone else first.

_ Hmmph _. Well, no one said they had to drink it voluntarily.

He had Johnny boy picked up and held at gunpoint and got Sherly all turned around facing away from him and toward Jim. John was howling past the gag- something about Jim being alive no doubt- but Jim ignored him.

“And… I drink this… and then what?” Sherlock held up the cup of ginger ale that Jim had spiked.

“I find out if it had the effect i was told it has!” Jim said cheerfully.

“Which is?”

“Can’t tell you- might bIas the results…” Jim smiled, “Drink it.”

Sherly glanced back at John until Jim cleared his throat, “Do i need to take him outside?”

“No.” Sherlock drank it and Jim started talking to keep his attention…

“Supposedly instant effects, but no one ever actually MEANS instant when they say that-” he kept up a running patter and watched as Sherlock’s eyes started going dark; his pupils dilated impossibly fast…

“How do you feel, Sherly…”

Sherlock was staring at him as if he was… as if he was fascinated. “Jim? What…”

“Run away with me, Sherl: we’ll have a blast! So much more fun than your boring old life here in London…”

“... but…” he looked back dubiously at John and then squared his shoulders, “You’ll leave John alone, safe and unharmed… and I’ll go with you.”

_ YES _! “Of course!”

He took Sherlock’s hand and led him away...

…

It was wonderful…

For a few days.

Sherlock was a slob. He put drinks down without coasters and he kept bringing home dead things and getting the kitchen contaminated. It was like owning a cat only not as well groomed.

Now Jim liked a nice dead body as art, but he didn't want it in his FOOD!

Sherlock would hole up in his room for hours, days, and then come out when Jim was in the middle of something and demand his attention RIGHT NOW.

It was wearing on Jim’s nerves...

When he woke Jim up at 3 am- again-with a shrieking squawking violin Jim threw him out….

He wouldn't leave.

Jim had him dragged out.

He picked locks to get in and managed to get past the guards.

Jim packed up and left

He followed him.

Jim FLED...

He seemed able to find Jim no matter how much he tried to lose him!

Jim finally woke up one night to find Sherlock standing over his bed with a knife. “I just have to make sure you can’t run away, Jim… you’ll look magnificent on the mantle next to Billy…”.

…!

!

*

Jim woke up gasping.

He shakily turned on the light and got his breathing under control… _ God what a nightmare. _

He staggered out to the living room where his bodyguard was laying on the couch watching some old movie…

“Sir?” The man swung his feet down and got up.

Jim looked him up and down: Sebastian Moran, formerly Colonel Moran: snarky, insubordinate, drank too much… but damn good at what he did.

“Insomnia.” Jim said calmly, “I get it a lot.”

“Oh? I could make you a drink…?”

“Nothing alcoholic- had too much at dinner.” Jim nodded. _ Hell, that's probably why I had the nightmare. _

Moran walked away and there was the sound of rummaging around in the small kitchen and then a blender and after a bit he came back with a plate of something small and two frosty glasses.

“What’s this?”

“It’s Persian,” he said with a smile, “Since you wanted something non-alcoholic: It’s a crushed ice soft drink: pomegranate and rose flavor…. I figured you’d like pomegranate.”

“It’s ok,” Jim shrugged, “Nice symbolism though . and this?” he waved at the plate.

“Stuffed dates.” Moran shrugged, as he put it all down on the coffee table “From my stash of snacks- they went with the drinks.”

Jim stared at the man and then shrugged, “Sure, why not.”

Moran sat down and grabbed a date and threw it in his mouth, chasing it down with a deep drink from the crushed ice thing. Jim sipped at his dubiously:_ an odd flavor, but not bad? Clearly non alcoholic so that was okay. _

He sat for a while trying to get over the nightmare… it was comfortable, leaning against…. With his… _ wait _...

“Moran?”

“Yes?”

“WHY is your arm around my shoulder?”

Moran yanked his arm back as though it was on fire. “Sorry! Uh, sorry, sir...I… uh….”

Jim considered this carefully: _ it had felt vaguely reassuring? Which was odd, but.. _ “You… may put your arm back, Moran, but you don’t do that without ASKING… or being ordered.”

“... i can?”

“If you want to, although i have no idea why you would want to.”

Moran very carefully put his arm back around him. He was stiff and rather wary at first- which was sensible. Jim found himself relaxing into the man… 

The movie was dumb, but not offensive…

…

Jim woke up slowly. _ that had been a horrific nightmare _\- he was clearly out of his mind for even thinking about his superstitious relatives and their supposed potions. Well, it was much more comfortable out here on the sofa curled up with…

…

…!

_ I am sleeping on my employee? _

_ No matter how much i teased the Iceman i do NOT do this sort of thing, what the fuck? _

He was curled up, partly wedged between the solid- if padded- back of the sofa and the solid...warm…nicely muscled...

He shook his head. He poked at Moran, “I must have been -”

Much to Jim’s shock, Moran turned his head toward him, without opening his eyes, and brushed his lips against Jim’s forehead, “S’nice dream.” he mumbled

_ … _

_ …!?! _

While he was still staring in shock at the man Moran cracked open his eyes… a moment after that VERY wide blue eyes were staring back at him in alarm. “...boss!?”

Jim couldn't help but snicker at the unmanly SQUEAK that had come out of the man. “We appear to have fallen asleep watching the telly, and that's FAR too banal to be allowed to ever get out.”

“Yessir, uh, no sir, uh…”

Jim decided he was a bit too adorably flustered to murder- especially since he was a damn good killer and those were surprisingly scarce. “Get UP, Moran.”

Moran scrambled, fell off the sofa onto the floor and looked up at him in the fashion of a bewildered cat. “You… you’re real? Uh… oh… ah…”

“Do you regularly hallucinate your boss?”

Judging from the look on his face the answer might be yes? “Breakfast, Moran.”

“Yes, sir, right!” he walked off like he was too afraid to run, but wanted to: Jim couldn't help but snicker.

He ate breakfast quietly, thinking over the nightmare: _ be careful what you wish for, huh? _ It… was true that Sherlock had a number of really bad habits… he was prone to leaving body parts all over the fridge and in the damndest places- Watson had to clean up after him all the time, the bugs in their flat picked up enough complaints.

A short while later his senior security man reported in and handed him the duty roster for the day.

_ Oh Lord no, not Harris- the man got on my nerves. _

_ Markham was good at wide guard detail but at close range? _

Jim looked up and caught sight of the worried look on Moran- probably figured he’d be taken out and shot… “I’ll Keep Moran on duty today.” Jim said, and watched the odd mix of panic and interest cross the man's face.

“Sir?” His head of security waited for his confirmation and then nodded, “You’re on duty, Moran.”

“Yes, sir.”

“So, I still haven't scraped country dirt off myself entirely… and this place has a spa… we’ll stay at least another day.”

“We did have it booked for four, sir, just in case.” he nodded.

“Set up the usual rotations and plan meals and… you know the drill,” Jim laughed, “I hardly have to tell you.”

The man let a faint smirk cross his face, “No, sir, but you do enjoy it.”

“Go on, shoo.”

...

Moran probably thought he was being subtle looking at him in the spa- Jim supposed for ordinary people he was. 

After a while of sitting in the steam Jim gave up and asked:“Thought you had a date with… what was her name back in New York? Mopsy… Kitty...something?”

“Katey?” Sebastian cleared his throat, “Katey isn’t a date, sir, more of a quick fuck- for both of us: she isn't looking for a relationship, so it…”

“Sensible: scratch the itch but don't get anyone disappointed.” 

“Yes sir… uh… had some girls- and guys- get upset when they wanted a relationship and i didn't.”

Jim cracked an eye at the man, “oh. Bi?”

“Bi, Pan, err…whichever term… uh… that isn't a problem i hope? It… bothers some people.”

“I never cared what people had between their legs, Moran, just what they had between their ears.”

He looked a bit relieved. “You… ah...flirt a lot, but i never saw…”

“People are boring, most of them.” Jim looked him over, all glowy and sweaty. “I like looking- and flirting with people in front of some of my contacts keeps them off balance.”

“Oh.”

“If it will help the role, or the business, to flirt or talk up the sex with my guards stuff i do, if not i don’t.”

“That… makes sense,” Sebastian nodded slowly, “It was a bit…”

“Did it bother you? I would have thought you’d be briefed.”

“No, sir, it didn't bother me… i was just a bit bewildered when you never…”

“Ah, when I never followed up?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Usually wouldn't,” Jim sighed, “Much too complicated even if i did want to scratch the itch: employees...might take it badly, or worse.”

After they’d gotten back to the suite Jim went to get some work done on the computer while he left his guards to order in… he came back in time to see Sebastian unloading a bag full of the oddest things…

“What?”

“Uh… since you liked the drinks i got more ingredients… you only had the one small bottle of rose water, so i got some proper rose syrup…”

Alarm bells started going off in Jim’s mind as he slowly walked over to the refrigerator and looked for the bottle of rose… not there.

“Did you… use a little bottle of… rose water?”

“Yes?” Sebastian nodded, “Took up the whole bottle for the two glasses, and i used the pomegranate i had for my dessert, so i…” he trailed off at the look on Jim’s face, “Did… is there a problem, sir? Oh hell- was that poisoned or something?”

Jim put a hand over his eyes. _ Well now i know it works, even if mildly- i didn't kill him for putting his arm around me, and even right now i’m mostly alarmed and annoyed not… _ “Well apparently it works.”

“Works?”

“I don’t seriously want to kill you, just maybe throw things.”

“Sir?”

“And it explains why you wanted to put your arm around me at all,” Jim hadn’t thought it would feel so awful to realize… it was fake… that's why he wanted to be around, and kept looking at me like that…

“It… will wear off.”

“Uh… what will?”

Jim sighed, “Never mind, Moran… just… go on and get food ready… I need to make a few calls.”


End file.
